


12 Days of Christmas - Spike Style

by Highlander_II



Series: Spike's Christmas Carols [1]
Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Genre: Christmas Carols, Crack Fic, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2002-12-12
Updated: 2002-12-12
Packaged: 2017-10-27 06:36:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 681
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/292702
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Highlander_II/pseuds/Highlander_II
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The first carol that Spike attacked.  He really doesn't like Christmas carolers.</p>
            </blockquote>





	12 Days of Christmas - Spike Style

_  
**On the first day of Christmas, Drusilla gave to me....**   
_

Hold it, what do you think? NOTHING! This is Drusilla, you give HER presents on Christmas, not the other way around. And who wrote this bleeding song anyway? 'The Twelve Days of Christmas,' there is only one day of Christmas and I'll be damned if I'm gonna sing a song about the other eleven. So move on along and find some other nit to sing for you.

BAH HUMBUG!!

  
 _  
**  
On the second day of Christmas, Drusilla gave to me....**   
_

Weren't you paying attention the first time? Drusilla doesn't give anyone presents! She never has. Okay, well, she did give me a present once, but it wasn't for Christmas, and it's none of your business. I thought you were gonna find someone else to sing this? Try one of those poncey American boy bands or something.

Humbug!!

  
 _  
**  
On the third day of Christmas, Drusilla gave to me....**   
_

  
Now, I don't know what Dru is thinking about giving me for Christmas, if anything at all, but I'm gonna give YOU a bleeding headache if you don't stop singing this stupid song at me or trying to get me to sing it, because I WON'T!

Bugger!

 **  
_  
On the fourth day of Christmas, Drusilla gave to me..._   
**

A big fat smack in the head for having to listen to this song. Oh, wait, that's what I'm gonna give you! Don't you feel important now?

Double bugger!

  
 **  
_  
On the fifth day of Christmas, Drusilla gave to me..._   
**

[sing]Five gold rings[/sing]

Where the hell did that come from? And no way Drusilla would give me gold rings, unless they were attached to meals. This song just gets worse and worse.

Bloody hell!

  
 **  
_  
On the sixth day of Christmas, Drusilla gave to me..._   
**

A bleeding set of ear plugs so we didn't have to listen to someone bellow this tune out anymore. Gah!

Sod off already.

  
 **  
_  
On the seventh day of Christmas, Drusilla gave to me..._   
**

Okay, for the LAST time, Drusilla would NOT get me a present! She wants to get all the presents!

Bah, bloody humbug!

  
 _  
**  
On the eighth day of Christmas, Drusilla gave to me...**   
_

Grrrr. Oh, hey, wait, this is the 'eight maids a milkin'' one, isn't it? Yeah, Dru can give me those, but only if I get to eat the maids. I can do that right? Yeah, let's change that last bit to 'Drusilla let me eat...' and we have a much better song.

Bah Humbug, still.

  
 **  
_  
On the ninth day of Christmas, Drusilla gave to me..._   
**

Hey, thought we were changin' that to "Drusilla let me eat"? Come on, at least make this a bit worth my while, if I gotta sit here and listen. Well, I'll just sing it my way in my head, it'll sound better - ...Drusilla let me eat... nine ladies dancing.

Maybe this song isn't so bad after all. I'm still not liking Christmas much though.

  
 **  
_  
On the tenth day of Christmas, Drusilla gave to me... (let me eat...)_   
**

Bugger all, sing it right. She's gonna let me eat the ten lords a'leapin'. Why wouldn't she? Lords are just the best to eat. Thinkin' they're all noble and immune to the creatures of the night.

This song is getting' a little better.

  
 **  
_  
On the eleventh day of Christmas, Drusilla gave to me... (let me eat... bugger, it's just a little alteration)_   
**

Pipers piping? What kind of stupid thing is that? And why are these men in foofy tights playin' little flutes anyway? This town got rats? No bother, I'll just eat 'em and be done.

Tasty song, this is.

  
 **  
_  
On the twelfth day of Christmas, Drusilla gave to me... (okay, changin' this one - ate with me...)_   
**

Twelve drummers drumming! Half dozen for each of us. Though she might not be able to handle that many, but she'd give it a good show. Well, now that we've exhausted the supply of this song, time to move on -- to the singers! Yes, run run, fast. Run and hide. You'll never get away!

Bah humbug! I hate Christmas.


End file.
